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Wyobraź sobie, że minęły dwa lata. jak z tej perspektywy wygląda Twój dzisiejszy problem? începe să înveți
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Imagine that two years have passed. What does your problem look like today from this perspective?
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Większość sytuacji jest wieloznacznych i to my nadajemy im znaczenie, poprzez interpretację. începe să înveți
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Most situations are ambiguous and it is we who give them meaning through interpretation.
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Tak jak wiele innych rzeczy nasz monolog wewnętrzny jest zakorzeniony w dzieciństwie. începe să înveți
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Like many things, our internal monologue is rooted in childhood.
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Ale możemy nad nim pracować i modyfikować w każdym momencie naszego życia începe să înveți
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But we can work on it and modify it at any moment of our lives.
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Metakomunikacja, to znaczy rozmowa o jakości naszej komunikacji începe să înveți
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Metacommunication, that is, talking about the quality of our communication
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Na ile podoba mi się jak przekazała mi informacje zwrotna? începe să înveți
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How much do I like the way I was given feedback?
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Czy jesteśmy zadowoleni ze sposobu, w jaki podjęliśmy decyzję? începe să înveți
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Are we satisfied with the way we made the decision?
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Jednym z narzędzi do komunikowania się na poziomie meta jest komunikat Ja. începe să înveți
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One of the tools for communicating at the meta level is the I message or the I statement...
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Gdzie zamiast oskarżeń, krytyki i oceń, mówimy o własnych emocjach i oczekiwaniach w danej sytuacji. începe să înveți
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Where instead of accusations, criticism and judgments, we talk about our own emotions and expectations in a given situation.
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Komunikat Ja składa się z czterech części. începe să înveți
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The I statement consists of four parts.
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Zabójcza triada, a więc trzy rodzaje komunikatów, które zniszczą każda rozmowę. începe să înveți
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The deadly triad: three types of messages that will destroy any conversation.
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Te komunikaty to interpretacje, oceny i kwantyfikatory ogólne. începe să înveți
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These messages are interpretations, judgments, and general quantifiers.
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Czuję... kiedy ty... ponieważ... wolałbym, żeby... începe să înveți
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I feel... when you... because... I would prefer that...
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działanie:........"Kiedy..." Twoja odpowiedź:........"Czuję..." Preferowany wynik:......"Chciałbym..." Korzyść:........"W ten sposób..." începe să înveți
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action:........"When..." Your response:........"I feel..." Preferred outcome:......"I would like..." The benefit:........"That way..."
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Psychologia komunikacji wypracowała jakieś narzędzie na prawie każdy rodzaj sytuacji. începe să înveți
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The psychology of communication has developed some tool for almost every type of situation.
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Musimy tylko chcieć się ich nauczyć. A to ciężka i długotrwałą praca. începe să înveți
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We just have to want to learn them. And that's hard and long work.
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Emocje działają jak czujnik nie zapiętych pasów w samochodzie. începe să înveți
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Emotions work like a seat belt sensor in a car.
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Kiedy ruszasz, a pasy są niezapiete, pojawia się nieprzyjemny dźwiek. începe să înveți
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When you start driving and the seat belt is not fastened, there is an unpleasant sound
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Więc co robisz? zapinasz pasy i jedziesz dalej, ciesząc się z podróży. începe să înveți
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So what do you do? You fasten your seatbelt and drive on, enjoying the journey.
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Chyba, że jedziesz przez pełny korków Kraków. începe să înveți
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Unless you're driving through traffic-clogged Krakow.
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Ale jeśli pomyślisz sobie - nie będzie mi głupi czujnik mówił co robić... începe să înveți
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But if you think to yourself - a stupid sensor won't tell me what to do...
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Przejedziesz całą drogę z irytującym dźwiękiem w uszach. Aż zwariujesz. începe să înveți
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You'll drive the whole way with that annoying sound in your ears. It'll drive you crazy.
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Tak samo jest z emocjami, one informują nas o tym, co się dla nas ważnego dzieje. începe să înveți
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It's the same with emotions, they inform us about what's important to us.
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Każda emocja jest tak naprawdę informacją. începe să înveți
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Every emotion is actually information.
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Złość mówi, że jakaś nasza granicą została przekroczona, a poczucie winy, że złamalismy jakąś spoleczną normę. începe să înveți
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Anger tells that some boundary of ours has been crossed, and guilt that we have broken some social norm.
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Smutek mówi o stracie czegoś ważnego, a strach o zagrożeniu. începe să înveți
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Sadness tells you about the loss of something important, and fear about danger.
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Problemem nie jest to, że czujemy nieprzyjemne emocje. Problemem jest to, że nie robimy nic z tym, o czym nas informują. începe să înveți
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The problem is not that we feel unpleasant emotions. The problem is that we do nothing about what they tell us.
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Oczywiście emocje mogą być nieadekwatne i system może być rozregulowany. începe să înveți
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Of course, emotions may be inappropriate and the system may be out of balance.
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Ponieważ emocje, których doświadczasz nie są tylko odpowiedzią na sytuację, ale na jej interpretację. începe să înveți
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Because the emotions you experience are not just a response to a situation, but an interpretation of it.
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A ona zależy od, budowanego od dzieciństwa, systemu przekonań. Przekonania wpływają na myśli automatyczne, a te, na emocje. începe să înveți
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And it depends on the belief system developed since childhood. Beliefs influence automatic thoughts, and these influence emotions.
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Nawet jeśli reakcja enocjonalnela jest błyskawiczną, poprzedza ja myśl, często nieuświadomiona. ale ona tam jest. începe să înveți
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Even if the emotional reaction is instantaneous, it is preceded by thought, often unconscious. But it is there.
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Kilka lat temu uprawiałem snorkeling u wybrzeży Sri Lankim începe să înveți
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A few years ago I was snorkeling off the coast of Sri Lanka.
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Zareagowałem strachem. W ułamku sekundy. Nie myśląc. începe să înveți
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I reacted with fear. In a split second. Without thinking.
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Czy przestraszyłem się, bo zobaczyłem rekina? începe să înveți
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Was I scared because I saw a shark?
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Przecież nie zareagowałbym tak samo na delfina, który wizualnie jest dość podobny. începe să înveți
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I wouldn't react the same way to a dolphin, which is visually quite similar.
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Tak, tak, nie każdy rekin to psychopata. începe să înveți
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Yes, yes, not every shark is a psychopath.
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I moje przerażenie zmieniło się w ekscytację. începe să înveți
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And my terror turned to excitement.
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Na szczęście szybko przypomniałem sobie, że pływające tu rekiny nie są żadnym zagrożeniem dla ludzi. începe să înveți
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Fortunately, I quickly remembered that the sharks swimming here pose no threat to humans.
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Nie, przestraszyłem się, bo błyskwicznie przypomniałem sobie wszystko co wiem o rekinach. Swoją drogą głownie z filmów. Taka rzetelna wiedza. începe să înveți
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No, I got scared because I instantly remembered everything I know about sharks. Mostly from movies, by the way. Such solid knowledge.
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I wtedy mój strach zamienił się w ekscytację. începe să înveți
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And then my fear turned to excitement.
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Bo zmieniła się interpretacja sytuacji. Nie sama sytuacja. începe să înveți
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Because the interpretation of the situation has changed. Not the situation itself.
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I to jest dobra wiadomość. Bo dzięki temu mamy ogromne możliwości wpływania na nasze emocje niezależnie od sytuacji. începe să înveți
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And that's good news. Because thanks to this we have huge possibilities to influence our emotions regardless of the situation.
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Pierwszym krokiem jest zidentyfikowanie nieracjonalnych przekonań, nazwijmy je gremlinami, które powodują nieadekwatne reakcje. începe să înveți
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The first step is to identify the irrational beliefs, let's call them gremlins, that cause inappropriate responses.
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Gremliny stosują przeróżne strategie, żeby obniżyć nam jakość życia. începe să înveți
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Gremlins use a variety of strategies to lower our quality of life.
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W czasach kiedy medycyna jest na tak wysokim poziomie... începe să înveți
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In times when medicine is at such a high level...
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Kiedy wszystkie nasze podstawowe potrzeby są zaspokojone... începe să înveți
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When all our basic needs are met...
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Kiedy technologia pomaga nam praktycznie w każdym aspekcie naszego życia... începe să înveți
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When technology helps us in virtually every aspect of our lives...
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Nasz dobrostan powinien osiągnąć maksimum. începe să înveți
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Our well-being should reach its maximum.
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Ale jest zupełnie odwrotnie. jeszcze nigdy gabinety psychoterapeutów i psychiatrów nie były tak pełne. începe să înveți
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But it's quite the opposite. Never before have the offices of psychotherapists and psychiatrists been so full.
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Moja partnerka pracuje w ośrodku pomocy psychologicznej dla dzieci i młodzieży. începe să înveți
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My partner works at a psychological support center for children and adolescents.
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